Posted by: Jivani Lisa | April 3, 2011

Mighty Waters of Praise

“The Lord’s voice resounding on the waters; the Lord on the immensity of waters; the voice of the Lord, full of power; the voice of the Lord, full of splendor.”  (Psalm 29)

“The waters have lifted up, O Lord, the waters have lifted up their voice; the waters have lifted up their thunder.  Greater than the roar of mighty waters, more glorious than the surgings of the sea, the Lord is glorious on high.”  (Psalm 93)

In April 2004, I spent a weekend on retreat at a monastery in western Virginia.  The countryside was beautiful – so near the Appalachian Mountains.  Driving toward the monastery, I turned onto a dirt road running alongside a river that lay partially hidden behind trees.  I heard roaring water but could only catch occasional glimpses of it.

I settled into my cabin in the woods about a mile from the monastery.  Standing on the porch, I admired the view of a large pond and enjoyed the silence of my surroundings.  After a few minutes, I heard the sound of an airplane and then a chainsaw.  These sounds annoyed me because I wanted to be far from such irritating modern noises; I wanted to pretend I was hiding away in the 15th century.  I paused and took some deep breaths, reminding myself that these sounds are part of our world now, so I’d be better off accepting them rather than resenting them.  I felt myself relax immediately.

Late afternoon approached.  I decided to walk down the road to where I’d heard the roaring river water.  I walked quietly (I thought) but still managed to startle three deer.  I gasped as they scampered back into the trees.  The air smelled clean and crisp.  A bright red cardinal sang from a high branch over the road.

I followed the sound of the water until I found a place alongside the road where I had a clear view of the river.  This spot was magnificent!  I stood on a flat, rocky ledge jutting out over the white-water flowing around a bend forty feet below.

The sight and sound catapulted me into a state of heightened awareness.  Suddenly, I experienced everything at once without missing any details: loud rushing water; clean air; firm earth beneath my feet; birds singing; pink sunset behind budding trees on rolling hills.   

The Lord was with me – speaking to me in this scene.  I opened my mouth and my arms.  I felt suspended.  I prayed: “My God, I praise You, I love You.  Thank You for this perfect creation, the beautiful earth with all its wonders.  I am in awe of Your power, Your glory, Your splendor.”  The birds, water, earth, air and sunset praised the Lord with me.  I was united to all of creation for a brief moment.  I sang praise with the psalmists of old.

1 Comment

Posted in Nonfiction/essay | Tags: , , , , ,

Posted by: John | April 1, 2011

Random Thoughts

I’ve used the F word all my life.  In the cultures I’ve inhabited (construction, military, etc.), the F word was a constant.  Indeed, it’s the only word that can be the subject, verb, adverb, object, and adjective of a single sentence.  Lately, I’m noticing I use it less and less.  Am I getting too old?  Has my meditation and mindfulness practice finally taken hold? Looking back, I find I’ve used the F word to express some strong emotion, usually anger.  There are, however, a number of unused clips of the F word lying around the floor of my vocabulary.  It’s my mantra of a sort to tell myself on occasion, “don’t let me use the F word.”

————————————————————

I wonder if MapQuest has directions on how to find yourself?  Probably not, unless you know where you are now or where you want to go.

————————————————————

It occurred to me that our culture is super-intent on bringing us outside ourselves.  After the PC revolution, we now have IPODs, IPADs, and HD television screens covering our walls.  We’re not allowed to look into ourselves.  Contemplation is considered a crime or too crude.  Somehow we must (each of us) find a place where we can safely put a sensory sack over our head and see how things are looking inside ourselves.  Each of us can do this through meditation.  We might find we need a spiritual Ctrl/Alt/Delete to make a change.

————————————————————

To have a mountain-top experience, you must first spend time in the valley.

    AND

The closer you are to the mountain, the steeper it looks.

    AND

From the mountain-top, it’s easier to see other mountains, small or large.

1 Comment

Posted in Journal entry | Tags: , , , , ,

Posted by: John | March 28, 2011

Proud to Be an American?

September 11, 2001 taught me how much I love my country.  Yet our bumper-sticker culture still leaves me puzzled at times.  Here’s one that especially makes me wonder:   “Proud to be an American.”

I mean, one can be “proud” of something one has accomplished, such as finishing school, raising a family, etc. – but unless one is a naturalized American and had to deal with INS, I can’t see what anyone did to become an American.  Being “proud to be an American” is like me saying I’m proud I have blue eyes.

There may be something to reincarnation after all.  I wonder if those with this “proud” bumper sticker were asked before birth what country they wanted to be born in. Bangladesh, obviously, would not be a good choice. Maybe they thought long and hard about it while floating in that never-never land between lives and chose to be born in America.  

I wonder if they were told what their gender would be and if they were warned that many countries make women second-class citizens.  Another reason to choose America.

For me, I’ll just say, “I’m blessed to be an American.”

1 Comment

Posted in Journal entry | Tags: , , ,

Posted by: John | March 27, 2011

What I Want to Give Back

I remember once telling my grad-school mentor that I wasn’t sure whether to be a writer or teach writing courses. She asked me, “what do you want to give back?”

I wondered:  what DID I want to give back; what did I HAVE to give back?
 
I decided I would like to give back a feeling for and an appreciation of metaphor. I would like to give back soft landings on hard surfaces or grass runways. I would like to give back an ear to listen. I would like to give back serenity.
 
I want to give back an acceptance of all human beings, even those different from me. I want to give back life.

Leave a Comment

Posted in Journal entry | Tags: , ,

Posted by: Jivani Lisa | March 23, 2011

Curiosity Disappoints the Cat

Yesterday, as I replaced hand towels in the bathroom and prepared to clean the mirrors, I heard the cat meowing on the other side of the closed door.  Well, actually, the door was slightly ajar.  This cat hates closed doors – or even doors that are mostly closed.  If she’s outside, she wants in; if she’s inside, she wants to go out.  She seems almost obsessed with getting to the other side of a door.

So, I watched as she pushed the door open and walked into the bathroom.  Immediately, she looked around as if to say, “Is this all there is?”  She peered into the corners and under the towel rack, then looked at me and said, “Meow.”  She promptly turned around and left the room.

I smiled.  Don’t we humans do the same thing?  Why is it so hard for us to be content with where we are and what we have?

I think it’s because we aren’t truly grateful for where we are and what we have.  We know we’re supposed to be grateful – and we might even say we are – but deep inside, we’re searching for some new person, object, career, location or set of beliefs to bring us satisfaction and fulfillment.  When we do manage to push through doors that seem to be opening, we’re often left with a sense of disappointment.

In 2004, after my mother’s death, I became obsessed with the idea that God had always been calling me to be a nun.  I used the internet to research religious life and religious communities.  I made phone calls and wrote letters.  I visited monasteries and hermitages in Virginia, Idaho, Arkansas and Wisconsin.  No matter how hard I tried, I kept running into closed doors.  I was told I was too old, too psychologically weak, too divorced, etc.

Finally, in 2007, I was accepted into a hermitage.  The door opened and I went inside.  At first, I was thrilled to be where I thought God wanted me to be.  However, within a few weeks, I was severely disappointed to witness all kinds of unholy conversations and actions by people who were supposed to be my superiors and teachers.  I, unlike the cat, was too stubborn and proud to admit I’d made a mistake – and turn around and leave.  I believed God wanted me there and I was going to endure anything to please Him.

I left seven months later.  “Disappointed” doesn’t even begin to describe how I felt.  As I looked back, the entire seven-and-a-half months seemed like a dream.  I began to put the pieces of my old life back together: home, friends, job, church.  Being back where I’d started was depressing at first – until I learned to see the possibilities that existed right there.

2 Comments

Posted in Spiritual Life | Tags: , , , ,

Posted by: Jivani Lisa | March 17, 2011

Taking Out Trash

This morning, John and I were exchanging e-mails.  I asked him to pick me up later to run errands since I had to stay home for a while to wash dishes and take out the trash.  He said, “Trash to take out.  That’s the story of my life.”

My response:  “Taking out trash is the story of everyone’s life.”

Yes, it is.  We spend the first thirty – or more – years of our lives accumulating “stuff.”  Then, we spend the rest of our lives clearing it all out.  Not just material possessions, either, but also concepts, ideas, opinions, rituals and emotional ruts.  Do we really need all this “stuff?”  What good does it do for us?  Or for others who have to deal with us?

Often, we throw out one set of furniture, ideas or opinions only to discover a short while later that we’ve taken on new ones.  Why does this happen?  Essentially, it happens because we fear the emptiness that lives hidden behind all our physical and mental stuff.

A friend of mine – a very spiritual yoga practitioner – recently confessed that she hoards clothing.  Nothing fancy.  Just cotton dresses, pants and tops.  Certain items were given to her as gifts and so, have sentimental value.  Many articles of clothing are stashed in her dresser waiting to be worn again “someday.”  She knows this is silly and part of her realizes she needs to let go – and yet she can’t.  She is genuinely perplexed by this.

We all do the same thing, if not with clothing, then with something else.

Plus, once my friend takes the next step and clears out the unnecessary clothing, she will eventually find other things that need to go.  This is completely normal.  If we can turn this process into a game, an adventure, then it ceases to cause us suffering.

In my own life, whenever I succeed in getting rid of anything – whether it’s clothing, stacks of paper piled on the floor, or religious dogmas that no longer serve my soul – I feel a sense of lightness, peace, and even joy.

The journey of life is a continual process of letting go.  This is for our growth.  Hoarding leads to suffocation and inertia.  Taking out the trash brings cleanliness, freshness and expansion into our lives.  That which we fear – the emptiness behind the stuff – is actually full of peace, potential and new life.

1 Comment

Posted in Spiritual Life | Tags: , , , ,

Posted by: Jivani Lisa | March 14, 2011

Life is a Series of Poses

John often makes wise observations that inspire me to write.  Last week, after taking my yoga class, he said:  “I see the similarity between life and yoga class.  Life is a series of poses – some we plan, and some just happen to us.”

Indeed!  We can think of each major – and even minor – life event as a “pose.”  In my own life, some events that come to mind are: going to Catholic school, taking dance lessons, beginning to teach aerobics, getting married, moving to Hawaii, getting my college degree, moving to Virginia, giving birth to my daughter, suffering from severe post-partum depression and eating disorders, getting divorced, studying Buddhism, learning to meditate, beginning to teach yoga, living in a hermitage, meeting John and “learning to fly.”

Each life event is transient; it has a beginning, a middle and an ending.  Past events live in our memories, yet each experience builds upon previous ones to make us who we are today.  I would never have planned to get divorced or suffer from depression and eating disorders – but those experiences cracked me open and strengthened me in ways I could not have imagined.

Over time, yoga poses help us build physical and mental strength as well as flexibility.  In the same way, the series of “poses” that make up our lives develops strength and flexibility to assist us in facing life’s challenges.  We learn to trust and listen to the lessons of life.

A good yoga class incorporates a series of poses that work the body in all different directions and positions – standing, sitting, kneeling, prone and lying on our backs.  Some poses are very challenging and others are more relaxing and nurturing.  Our bodies, minds and spirits need ALL of this to be whole and healthy.  In the same way, over time, if we are paying attention to the “poses” of our lives, we learn to balance our needs for pleasure, work, study, socializing and solitude.

Let us remember that the “poses” of our lives – the tough ones as well as the fun ones – are there to help us become the people we are meant to be: strong, flexible, and balanced souls who radiate peace and compassion to the world.

2 Comments

Posted in Spiritual Life | Tags: , ,

Posted by: John | March 9, 2011

Flying Metaphors

While flying the other night, my student and I saw the Nav (navigation) lights of another aircraft. I explained to the student how, since the red light is on the left wingtip and the green light is on the right wingtip, you could tell if the other aircraft was coming toward you or going away. I couldn’t help but think to myself, how neat it would be if we could tell when other people were coming toward us or going away from us in spirit.

Of the six flight instruments (Airspeed Indicator, Vertical Speed Indicator, Altimeter, Turn Indicator, Attitude Indicator, and Heading Indicator), the Attitude Indicator is very important when flying in clouds. Before the days of auto-pilots, it was called an Artificial Horizon; it was all the pilot had to keep the airplane flying properly as there were no references outside the aircraft. When there are no references outside me in living my life, I must look inside myself at my Internal Horizon, my Maker, to keep myself on course.

2 Comments

Posted in Journal entry | Tags: , ,

Posted by: Jivani Lisa | March 3, 2011

The Yogic Swan

A few weeks ago, during a session of Yoga Nidra, after a long progressive relaxation and guided meditation, I was surprised to discover that my totem animal is a swan.  I love birds and have always found swans to be especially beautiful.  However, if I had to guess my totem, I would probably say a dove – or even something like a dolphin.  But the swan is exquisite! 

Then yesterday, in a book by Liz Lark (1,001 Pearls of Yoga Wisdom), I found the following:  “Whether we know it or not, yoga makes us aware of our hidden human motivation: to return to the source of all life by igniting a divine spark deep within us.  The Upanishads use the image of a swan to describe the soul’s yearning for this mystical unknown.  Flying over the ocean in search of herself, she finally comes to realize that God has been nearby all along, within herself.” [bold added] 

It’s as if my life’s journey is to REALLY learn this lesson (not just intellectually):  God is always with me, within me; He is not something outside that I must find at all costs.

I admit I haven’t learned this lesson yet.  I can talk about it and acknowledge it intellectually – but I have yet to REALLY believe it to the depths of my being.  This type of “learning” (which is true “realization”) is not something that can be forced.  We can only prepare ourselves and keep following the spiritual path.  I might say, “I know that God is within,” but when I truly believe this, my life will be transformed:  no more longing for people, places or vocations that can bring me to God. 

This involves faith, trust and perseverance.  It’s not like if we do A and B, then C will follow.  I don’t think we can ever really know which people, places or vocations might bring us closer to God.  The things we think might help can often do the opposite (as I know from experience).  The things we think might hinder us could end up being the best for us.

The ugly duckling transforms into the swan and the swan realizes that she is one with God.  May it be so (Amen!) for all of us!
 

 

Leave a Comment

Posted in Spiritual Life | Tags: , , , ,

Posted by: Jivani Lisa | February 6, 2011

To Seek or Not to Seek

Seekers seek –

they cannot cease seeking;

if they do, they aren’t

       seekers

Leave a Comment

Posted in Poetry

« Newer Posts - Older Posts »

Categories