Posted by: Jivani Lisa | March 15, 2012

Compassionate Religion

Several years ago, I told my spiritual director I thought the spiritual journey is like a spiral staircase:  Although we’re making slow, steady progress, we often feel we’re going in circles or moving backward as well as forward.  He liked this analogy a lot.  I told him I didn’t make it up; I read it in the writings of some saint – but I couldn’t remember who.

When I went home to research this topic on the internet, all I could find was Karen Armstrong’s book, The Spiral Staircase – her memoir of living as a Roman Catholic nun, becoming disillusioned and eventually leaving the Church as a seeker after Truth.  At the time, I wasn’t interested in reading the book since I was a diehard conservative Catholic and didn’t want to read anything that might “endanger” my faith.

John and I have read The Spiral Staircase and some of Armstrong’s other books such as A Short History of Myth; Buddha; and A History of God.  We are continually amazed by her knowledge and her ability to make complex ideas understandable.

Today, I discovered that she has been instrumental in creating and promoting the Charter for Compassion.  This charter advocates compassion as the basis for all authentic religions and calls people everywhere to practice this deep compassion.  The Charter, based on the Golden Rule (valid in all religions) has been formed through a collaboration of religious leaders and high thinkers everywhere.  It is backed by an impressive array of Partner Organizations. 

I invite you to read the Charter and affirm it if you feel so inspired.  May we all treat others as we wish to be treated.

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Posted by: Jivani Lisa | March 10, 2012

Micro-Vacations

John and I have yet to take a real vacation – and we certainly have no plans to go anywhere exotic.  Later this year, we hope to make a short trip to Monongah, WV to pay our respects to my great-grandfather and the other men and boys who perished in the 1907 coal mining disaster.  That place and that story remain sacred to me, especially after my own visit there in 2010.

So, in lieu of a regular vacation, I take micro-vacations every day.  Before and after my Yoga classes on the fourth floor of Dominion Tower in Norfolk, I spend some time gazing out the window at the Elizabeth River.  Sometimes the water is calm and sometimes it’s choppy.  Sometimes the scene is clear and sunny, while on other days it’s gray and cloudy.  The ferry is always there, shuttling back and forth to Portsmouth.

Driving home from work in the evening, I have several routes I could take.  I choose the path that takes me over a long bridge so I can see the water, boats, and the houses along the shore.  I drink in the sight, smile, and take a few deep breaths.  I connect with a sense of contentment.

I think:  All is well. 

Such micro-vacations give my soul a sense of freedom and satisfaction.  They keep gratitude alive in my heart.  They remind me of the many blessings awaiting my acknowledgment each day.  Thanks be to God!

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Posted by: Jivani Lisa | March 6, 2012

Mothers Inferior

Most of my friends and family know I didn’t have a good relationship with my mother.  She was a woman I could never please.  She was physically and emotionally abusive to me.  She had no idea how to relate to children or how to let a child be a child.  I grew up feeling unloved, neglected and misunderstood.  I used to break out in huge, mysterious hives all over my body.  The pediatrician found no cause for the hives (such as allergies) – so he said they were caused by anxiety.  My mother laughed in derision:  “Anxiety?  She’s a child!  How can she have anxiety?”

To my great surprise, the mother superior at the hermitage turned out to be another version of my mother.  She treated me in the same sorts of ways.  She played mind games.  I could never please her.  One day she would praise me for my initiative in accomplishing tasks, and the next day she’d call me lazy.  While in that place (for seven months), I broke out in hives for the first time in thirty years.  It was like being in my childhood home all over again.

My experiences with mothers inspired the following poem (the form is called a Pantoum):

 

Mothers Inferior

 

I perched on the edge of my bed.

Fear of you made my heart beat fast.

For endless years, friends have said:

“Inhale the present, exhale the past.”

 

Fear of you made my heart beat fast —

But mothers are s’posed to give love.

(Inhale the present, exhale the past.)

My heart longs for treasures above.

 

Yes, mothers are s’posed to give love —

Monastic mothers as well, I say.

My heart longed for treasures above —

But I found endless hell each day.

 

Monastic mothers repel, I say.

Your pride and power infused fear.

All I found was endless hell each day —

My prayer in vain, no one to hear.

 

Oh, every mother betrays me!

For endless years, friends have said:

“Exhale the past, learn to just be.”

I kneel at the edge of my bed.

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Posted by: Jivani Lisa | March 2, 2012

In Defense of Psalm 27

On my earlier post, “A Multiplicity of Bibles,” I mentioned my fondness for psalm 27.  A reader objected because the psalm speaks about evildoers stumbling and falling; about the speaker rising above enemies and avoiding traps set by foes.  It sounds like the speaker is reveling in being on God’s side and having God’s help in conquering enemies.

This psalm makes my heart soar – but I do not take it literally because I don’t have human enemies.  I deliberately live my life in such a way to avoid making enemies.  Even if I had foes, I would never wish them harm because I’m not that kind of person.  I don’t think of myself as better than anyone else.

For me, when the psalm speaks of conquering “enemies” and “foes,” I imagine all the evil tendencies that exist inside myself – and remind myself to fight to overcome my tendencies toward laziness, anger and depression.  The psalm gives me hope that God’s grace is there to help me overcome.

One of my favorite verses is: “Even if my father and mother forsake me, the LORD will take me in.”  This gives me a lot of comfort, not because I’ve been literally forsaken, but because both of my parents are deceased.

Psalm 27 also speaks about dwelling in the house of the Lord and seeking God’s face.  Again, for me, this doesn’t mean any one religion or church.  It’s more about the state of my own heart.  It reminds me to put God first, to seek Him first – no matter what else I’m doing in my life.

The psalm ends with a strong exhortation to “wait for the Lord!”  This reminds me that it’s completely normal to feel (at times) that God is absent.  Yet at times, I can sense Him almost like a physical presence.  So I trust – and keep living my life one day at a time.

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Posted by: Jivani Lisa | February 29, 2012

Deprived

John and I smelled smoke yesterday near where we live in the Ocean View area of Norfolk.  Since we don’t have a television and we don’t get the newspaper, I decided to check online to see about a possible fire in Ocean View.  Sure enough, I found this sad story about a fire in a motel. 

The story startled me with its discussion of people living in these types of motels as an escape from homelessness.  In my relative wealth, I’d never stopped to consider that people could be in such a bind as to resort to living in motels.  These folks choose motels because they can pay week-to-week and don’t have to come up with a security deposit.

And now they are deprived of a roof over their heads.

This morning during my shift working the front desk at the YMCA, a member mentioned that the water seemed rather cold in the men’s locker room.  Maintenance came and looked at the hot water heater but found nothing wrong. 

Two hours later (it’s quiet at this particular Y), a man exited the locker room and bruskly informed me about the water being ice cold in the shower.  He said it was “miserable” taking a cold shower; he said he couldn’t take that again and threatened to never come back.  I told him maintenance had checked it but I would call them immediately to have them fix this obvious problem.

This man is normally very friendly and talkative with me.  We’ve been discussing his workout routine and his goal of weight loss which is going very well.  I was shocked by his changed demeanor prompted by the lack of a hot shower.

How often do we act like this when we’re deprived of the things we take for granted?  Can we step back and appreciate what we DO have?  Can we remain friendly and cheerful regardless of whether we get the things we expect?

I was planning to make some tea in the microwave at work – but I forgot to pack my tea bag.  Oh well.  Instead of drinking my tea, I’ll spend some time praying for people who suddenly find themselves homeless.

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Posted by: Jivani Lisa | February 27, 2012

Stop Being a Slave

I confess that as I’m reading books or articles, I sometimes jot down a line or two but forget to note the source.  Here are two examples from my journal:

“Material desire depends for its existence on ego (asmita), habit (samskara), and delusion (avidya).”

“Whenever the desire for a particular sensory experience becomes habitual, it is time to stop that practice.”

These quotes remind me that we all get sucked into the repetition of certain acts that make us feel good – temporarily.  For example, after a hard day at work, why is it that we can’t wait to get home to veg out in front of the TV or Facebook, to stuff ourselves with potato chips or cookies, to have a glass (or several) of wine?

Stopping unhealthy habits necessitates replacing them with something more beneficial.  For example, reading a book instead of gravitating to TV or Facebook, eating fruit instead of cookies, drinking tea instead of alcohol.

However, the above quotes suggest something even deeper:  We can become enslaved by ANY habit, even habits that are good for us.  When we’re overwhelmed by the desire for some object or experience, and when we cannot stop ourselves from indulging (even in “good things” such as a cup of coffee or a bout of exercise), then we’re enslaved.  We are deluded into believing we can find contentment or happiness by satisfying our desires.  Somehow we don’t notice our happiness is temporary.  Or maybe we DO notice but we figure this is just how life is.

Let us stop and really notice the next time we think we just HAVE to have some experience.  Do we?  Can we try something else instead?  Let us cultivate curiosity for experiences outside our deep habitual ruts.  Let us free ourselves from the endless desires to cater to our senses.

Peace, love, joy and happiness are within us.  Those are what we really want anyway.

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Posted by: Jivani Lisa | February 20, 2012

The Broken-Hearted

“The Lord is close to the broken-hearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.”  (Psalm 34:18)

I live my entire life in broken-heartedness.  Always have.  Even as a child, there was a certain quiet, serious, sadness about me.  My sensitive soul easily picks up the pain and sadness of others.  I remain aware of the difficulties of life in this world – and my heart longs for the peace, love and joy of God.

I now understand that this broken-heartedness is a good thing because it means God is close – and it gives me the ability to empathize with the suffering of others, regardless of what that suffering entails.

Broken-heartedness can be caused by many things, such as:  the loss of loved ones, the experience of abuse/neglect, the inability to achieve goals, the perception of many difficulties in this life for oneself and others.

We tend to respond to our broken-heartedness in one of two ways:  Either we externalize it by projecting anger, resentment and blame onto other people and the world; or we internalize it and end up experiencing anxiety, panic and/or depression and despair.

The solution is to allow ourselves to open to the experience of the broken-heartedness just as it is – without making up stories or explanations about it for ourselves.  In this way, we experience the underlying sadness which can be very deep.  This visceral experience of sadness then has the power to teach us compassion for others.

I believe there are many broken-hearted people in this world.  May we trust that God is close.  May we allow ourselves to feel the sadness and empathize with the broken-heartedness of others.  When we have compassion for each other, we make the world a better place.

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Posted by: Jivani Lisa | February 6, 2012

In Silence

I’ve been keeping my mouth shut lately (or rather, keeping my fingers off the keyboard) because there’s something beautiful about silence.  Now I’m here to encourage you to find quiet times and places to nurture your soul.

For example, you could enjoy your morning cup of coffee without reading the newspaper or watching the news.  You could drive to and from work without listening to music, audio books, etc.  You could take a stroll outdoors at lunchtime.

Best of all, you could sit quietly and focus on the flow of your breathing for 5-10 minutes each morning and each evening before retiring to bed.  There is such peace (the peace of God) to be found in meditation.

Here’s some inspiration from Paramahansa Yogananda (taken from Man’s Eternal Quest):

“You are soul.  You can consciously know your soul – your true self – by meditation.  And when you know yourself as soul, you will have discovered the presence of God within you.  The moon’s reflection cannot be seen clearly in ruffled water, but when the water’s surface is calm, a perfect reflection of the moon appears.  So with the mind:  when it is calm you see clearly reflected the mooned face of the soul.  As souls we are reflections of God.  When by meditation techniques, we withdraw restless thoughts from the lake of the mind, we behold our soul, a perfect reflection of Spirit, and realize that the soul and God are One.”

May we commune with God daily in deep physical and mental silence.

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Posted in Prayer/Meditation, Spiritual Life | Tags: , , ,

Posted by: John | February 1, 2012

More Lines

Will Power Point point me to peace?  Can the Internet take me into me?
 
**********
 
Let me melt into the moment, become one with the Now.
 
**********
 
Seek ye first your soul inside.  Then all other things will be added unto you.
 
**********

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Posted in Poetry

Posted by: Jivani Lisa | January 25, 2012

Damned and Loved

On January 25th, the Roman Catholic Church celebrates the Feast of the Conversion of Paul, Apostle.  In the Office of Readings for the day, there’s a wonderful homily about St. Paul written by St. John Chrysostom (c. 347-407).  He says:

“The most important thing of all to him [Paul], however, was that he knew himself to be loved by Christ.  Enjoying this love, he considered himself happier than anyone else; were he without it, it would be no satisfaction to be the friend of principalities and powers.  He preferred to be thus loved and be the least of all, or even to be among the damned, than to be without that love and be among the great and honored.”  [bold added]

This is incredible to me because, nowadays, most ultra-conservative Catholics (and ultra-conservative, orthodox members of any religion) consider themselves to be among the “great and honored” since they are so favored to be members of the “one, true faith.”  People who are outsiders are viewed as damned. 

Paul would have been happy to be among the damned as long as he knew himself to be loved by the Lord.  To me, this means “damned” in the eyes of human beings – since anyone who truly knows the love of Christ, cannot possibly be damned by God.

May this bring a sense of relief and peace to anyone who feels judged by human beings for religious/spiritual beliefs.  Only God can truly judge our heart and our intentions.  He loves us unconditionally – and knows whether we strive to love Him in return.

May we continue our journey of growth in faith, hope and love.  “Love never fails. . . .  And now these three remain:  faith, hope and love.  But the greatest of these is love.”  (1 Corinthians 13: 8, 13)

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