Posted by: John | October 4, 2010

Yoga “Regulations”

This was inspired by news stories of regulations being imposed on Yoga teachers and Yoga teacher training courses:

It has come to the attention of the government that regulation of the practice of yoga must be enforced. The following rules are to be placed in effect immediately.

All clothing must be approved by the USDYS (United States Department of Yoga Statutes). No private body parts can be exposed, emphasized or suggested. Only 1/4″ of cleavage may be exposed on females. Men must not stuff cloths into their pants to make them appear heavy hung. Toenails must be inspected upon entering the studio to ensure they are no longer than 1/16 inch. The feet must be free of toe jam and only one toe ring per foot will be allowed. If the navel is to be exposed it must be free of lint or navel jelly. During Down Dogs, the top garment must not slide below the lent free navel. During no pose may the crack of the ass be exposed.

There have been reports of insurgent yogis rebelling against these regulations. They will be tracked down, arrested, and sentenced to listening to loud rap music in one ear and Rush Limbaugh with the other ear for varying amounts of time, depending on their offense.


  1. That is pretty darn funny John. I will make sure to comply!

    • You better comply. Big brother is watching all of us. The guvment may install hidden cameras in your studio when they’re not looking for terrorists.

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