Posted by: Jivani Lisa | May 28, 2013

Restless Souls

Immediately after John and I met in 2009, we started discussing all kinds of spiritual topics.  I mentioned that I wanted to do God’s will in my life, rather than my own will – but determining God’s will is quite a challenge.  I told him I thought God was calling me to be a nun.  Here’s an email exchange from the early months of our friendship:

John:  “As introspective and articulate as I’m finding you, you may be called for something else [other than being a nun].  I think we each must find our own calling.  We’re both seekers as we agreed.  It was in 2000 when I was fifty-seven that I decided there may be no answers and at my age it would be best for me to hang out in one position both physically and maybe spiritually for the rest of my life.  I couldn’t run anymore.  Everywhere I went was like the place I just left.  Everyone I met was like someone I already knew.  I was told by someone who read much of my writing that I’m an incurable romantic.  I said I thought that was someone with herpes, the clap, and AIDS.  But we go where we must go and do what we must do.  Those of us with restless souls make life worth living for everyone else.”

Me:  “Wow!  I could have written that myself.  It’s like the only real difference between us is age.  I, too, must force myself to stop running, to stop searching everywhere for something or someone.  I, too, am an incurable romantic.  This, of course, means much more than sex.  It is a state of the soul.  For me, it has become a longing for God.  When I center my life in Him and in His will, I find peace.  I know that I am loved; I know that my life has meaning.  St. Augustine said that our souls are restless until they rest in God.  Because, ultimately, we were created for union with God, not with people or with the things of this world.  I agree that in a sense we need to ‘hang out’ physically and spiritually.  This means committing ourselves to something more than our own pleasure or happiness.  However, we are never really standing still.  We are always progressing, either forward or backward.  That is always our choice every single day, in each small decision we make, each word we speak.  ‘Those of us with restless souls make life worth living for everyone else.’  What a beautiful way to look at it!  Namaste!”

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